Plan, plan, plan.... this is what we spend our lives doing. But the truth of the matter is that the only thing we can count on is the present. The world could be flip flop wonky tomorrow, and all the days, hours, minutes spent planning are precious moments wasted.
This is something we all know in theory, but never is it so glaringly obvious as when we find ourselves in the situation, yet again, of our higher selves having different plans for us than the ones we had been so painstakingly creating. Don't be too hard on yourself though. We do the best we can with our limited knowledged, earth dwelling selves.
We just have to somehow understand, that there might actually be something greater which requires tending to, than anything we could scheme up with our little hair brains.
So this is the consciously unbeknownst-to-me destination, I've recently arrived at myself.
A great majority of what I had spent the last year of my life planning, suddenly ceased to exist a little over 24 hours ago.
I now sit here finding myself romantic relationship-less. Not a new scenario in the least, but unsettling none-the-less, as I am and have always been, someone who pours themselves completely into their love life. In the past I have found the loss of this outlet for my love, to be excruciatingly painful. A pain that I would have previously eased with food, booze, or more men.
But this time is different.
I've come so far. I've grown incredibly. Much too much progress has been made to go backwards now.
Once you've had a glimpse of your purpose on this planet, and have experienced the utterly indescribable sense of knowing and bliss... there's no way you can make yourself forget for too long.
So this time, instead of the bedfellows I've historically turned to in times of pain.... I'm going to sit on this couch and feel every last feeling that surfaces.
No matter how ugly they may be or how much they may hurt, I will wait for them to arrive. I will accept them and give them the attention they've been crying out for. I will then shine the light of my soul onto every ounce of pain, anger, fear, or judgement I've ever harbored, transmuting each and every one of them into love.
I will do this until the day comes that I, myself, am pure love and light. Only then will I be equipped for my life's work. Only then, dare I be bold enough to attempt to change the world.
What is that going to look like exactly? Good fucking question.
Guess I'll just trust that once the inner work is done, the answer will be presented to me. One thing I know for sure, is that I refuse to spend even one precious moment worrying about it.
