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| In my search for a picture appropriate for this blog post, I ran ran across one incredibly cheesy picture of Journey "the band", and couldn't help myself. |
This is a journal entry of mine that I came across this evening. I am a completely sporadic journalist, so I find intriguing (in hindsight) the things that I have felt compelled to write about along the way thus far.
So now, stopping only to apologize in advance for run on sentences, long windedness, or any other number of poor grammar displays, I take you back to a day in my journey:
Tuesday April 8, 2008
I am so confident in, and trust entirely the flow of life. However, today I find myself restless and impatient with the whole thing. I feel like I have been working so hard for so long on myself. I so greatly desire to improve continuously and grow into the best person that I can be... to develop into the masterpiece that I know was in mind as I was created,
I realize that I have come a long ways, but it's so easy to forget. So, today I looked back in an old journal and what I found reassured me. I found a random entry from April 2002. No entries before or after anywhere close on the time line (See. Sporadic journaling.) but this was all I needed. I was feeling that I was lacking in a lot of areas at this time in my life. What I pointed to in this particular entry, was my negative nature, being overcome and consumed by little unimportant life happenings. Sweating the small stuff (This must have been about the time I read that book, I'm assuming) and I reassured myself that everything happens for a reason.
The exciting thing about finding this entry is that it was proof of how far I had come. I have resolved these issues so much that I had forgotten how I once struggled with them. Being positive and trusting life have become my way of being, my habit. So that now I am free to focus on other areas I wish to improve.
I now understand why this is so important. I must be patient and realize that in order to fulfill the urge in my heart, the desire that was placed within me... "my purpose", I must be fully exposed to life experiences so that I may then, one day, be of great help to others.
Although as I look around me my life appears to be somewhat stagnant, I know that I am making great strides on the inside. I believe that the growth my 20's initiated is setting me up for the next decade of my life - educating myself and fulfilling my life's work; Guiding those who feel lost, who feel the tug deep down in the depths of their soul - screaming out to them, "there's got to be something more!" Wanting to live a full, meaningful life. Struggling to be the best that they can be, but not knowing where to begin.
My passion and work will be to help these people if they so desire. To aid them in digging up and clearing out the muck that we acquire the first part of our lives, so as to expose the true self.
I hope to be a beacon for the sacredness of each individual's truth.
I feel that when you catch wind of what that is for yourself (your truth), and then act on it... that is when you find inner peace.
I myself, have not completely arrived there yet, however I get glimpses and grab hold every once in awhile. I have experienced the feeling enough to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I will not give up until it is my reality consistently. The challenge for me is to tune out what others are saying,and be affected only by my truth. Not theirs.
I used to be disturbed by my unquenchable spirit, thinking that I was simply a discontented person. I know now that it is one of the most important aspects of myself. It is what propels me forward and picks me up every single time I fall. And as time goes by, it grows stronger. Every time I get annoyed and try to stuff it... it claws it's way back out; powerful, distinct, and with clearer purpose.
For this I am eternally grateful.
I realize that my unquenchable spirit is my gift from you (God/source/creative power/eternal being/insert label here______). Thank you... I promise I will not let you down.
